8 Signs You’re A Chronic Extrovert

I always come across articles that share “19 signs that you’re an introvert” or “7 reasons why you’re a hippie.” The problem is, none of those are me. Why haven’t they figured out my kind! Are we that different? Who the heck is going to point out that I’m “too friendly” or excessively outgoing? No…
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Here’s To The Husband I Don’t Have

My parents are to blame for the husband I don’t have. They make marriage look so easy. Effortless, really. My parents make love look so easy. Effortless, really. They have convinced me the fairy tale is true and that my Prince Charming is waiting to plant the earth-shaking kiss that will launch us into a…
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Prez Says ‘Those Tweets Were Weak’

On March 12, President Obama humored us all on Jimmy Kimmel live, reading mean tweets about himself. [gdlr_video url=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/RDocnbkHjhI” ] In the end, he was surprised. “Those weren’t that mean,” he said. “I’ve got to tell you… you should see what the senate says about me. That was some piker stuff.”

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#FerrellTakesTheField

Will Ferrell makes people—and cancer—look good. On March 12, Ferrell did what any decent human would: he sacrificed his day to play five games for ten teams in ten positions at the MLB Spring Training in Arizona. Ferrell dedicated his time—and body—to create awareness for two cancer causes: Stand Up to Cancer, an organization that…
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Whatchya Gonna Do With All That Class?

What happens on social media, stays in the media. #lessonslearned Vogue’s editor teaches us all a lesson: what not to do. Elisabeth von Thurn und Taxis, Vogue’s Style Editor, posted during Paris Fashion week, “Paris is full of surprise…and @voguemagazine readers even in unexpected corners!” Its to no surprise, Maryse Dumas, the homeless woman captured…
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It’s Always About The Damn Cookies

For years I’ve been bitter towards Girl Scouts. It’s not that I don’t love the causes they support or the valuable lessons their organization teaches… It’s always about the damn cookies. According to People magazine, a troop from Salem, New Hampshire is about to make Girl Scout Cookie history. The skills taught and utilized to sell…
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How Long Is Your Schlong?

After what seems like eternity, researchers can finally tell us whose penis is too big, whose is too small, and which little guy is juuuuuust right. Are you wondering if your cock is shorter than the flock? You want to know, but you’re afraid to measure. What if you don’t size up? Here’s my dick,…
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Sorry Won’t Unburn My Steak

Remember when I made you a guide of “13 Things to Remember Next Time You Dine Out”? This weekend I utilized that. I met my boyfriend, brother, and his friend for dinner. It took us a half hour to decide where to go at 7:30PM on a Saturday night, when half of the town was…
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My Phone Smells Like Swedish Meatballs

Imagine a world where the lack of cell battery isn’t a worry. #firstworldproblems Let’s go back in time. Remember that Disney original movie called Smart House (1999), featuring Kevin Kilner, Ryan Merriman, and Katey Sagal—now a Son’s of Anarchy star? You know, the movie about the teen who wins a futuristic robot house with a…
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Six Minutes With Obama

Five, four, three, two, one. The doors open to the White House and you are summoned in by officials. They lead you briskly to a conference room. At this point, you have tunnel vision, unaware of the people around you due to the adrenaline pumping through your veins. “The President will be with you shortly,”…
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